My Immortal: A Prelude To Flashback
by Leafsdude
Summary: [Songfic] Song: My Immortal by Evanescence. Summary: [slightly AU] Takes place after Conversations With Dead People. Willow thinks about Tara after the First visits her.


  
_A/N: I'm back again! This is the 'songfic' part of me speaking now, back with a new installment. This time, though, there's more to this than a song and an idea.  
  
This, as the title says, is kind of a prelude to my next story, 'Flashback'. This takes place in the scene at the end of 'Conversations With Dead People'. It sets up what happens in the rest of the story, though this can be read as a stand alone, too, and it doesn't necessarily need to be read to understand 'Flashback'.  
  
The song is 'My Immortal' by Evanescence. In my opinion, it's the best song on the album 'Fallen' artistically speaking. Plus, the lyrics are great for a songfic. :)  
  
Obviously, with a song like 'My Immortal', this has to be a highly angst-y fic, though I'll assure you the story that will go along with it will curb that a bit, and end happily. Therefore, you'll have the choice as to whether you want the ending I give here, or the happier ending I'll give in the chaptered story. Aren't I nice to do that? Crap, why am I being nice???  
  
Ahem, anyway. Now, on to the fic!_  
  
  
Spoilers: Obviously for Conversations With Dead People, and also for 'Seeing Red' to 'Grave', and, perhaps, some early season 6 and late season 5 stuff.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't think Joss et al. is dumb enough to waste his time on some lowly creature having fun with his world that he so obviously messed up, so I'm not going to say anything to save me from that. However, because I respect the owners of the site, I'd just like to mention that I got a lot of the information for this chapter from www.buffyworld.com/. Thank you guys for your wonderful transcripts, even if the fight descriptions suck! :) Once again, the amazing group Evanescence owns 'My Immortal'. Thank you guys for giving me such a great song to work with! And once again, PLEASE DON'T SUE! Thanks.  
  
  
Legend: Willow will be thinking for the most part here, so those will appear _in italics_. The song lyrics will appear in **bold**. Hopefully that's clear :)  
  
  


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**My Immortal (Prelude to Flashback)**

  
  


**By: David Armstrong AKA Leafsdude**

  
  
  


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**I'm so tired of being here.**  
  
Willow was still staring at the empty space that was now sitting in front of her across the desk in the library. What was the deal here? Perhaps I should just leave. Forget it all.  
  
**Suppressed by all of my childish fears.**  
  
_B-but I can't,_ Willow argued with herself. If she forgot, then everything would happen again, no matter how hard she tried to stop it. Well, that's what she believed, anyway. She'd tell herself it was childish, that no matter what she did, she would never forget what had happened, but she couldn't help but almost hope she would relive it. Maybe then she could stop it.  
  
**And if you have to leave,  
I wish that you would just leave,  
Cause your presence still lingers here.  
And it won't leave me alone.**  
  
Now, standing near the middle of the High School's new library, Willow was unsure of what was going on. This _thing_ that came to her, was it just a figment of her imagination? Was it here? Was _she_ really here? Has she been up there singing all this time?  
  
I'm doing it again, Willow realized. She new Tara was gone, but she couldn't help but think she was still there, in some way or another, and she wouldn't stop.  
  
**These wounds won't seem to heal.  
This pain is just too real.  
There's just too much that time cannot erase.**  
  
_"Your shirt!"_  
  
It was the two words Willow couldn't sand to hear, but did every day, in her mind. She always saw that wound in Tara's chest, the one that would never go away. And no matter how hard she tried, it wouldn't change. It would always be just as it really happened. And now, it seemed to be worse then ever, ringing ever so softly in her ear, haunting her every moment.  
  
**When you cried,  
I'd wipe away all your tears.  
When you'd scream,  
I'd fight away all your fears.  
I held your hand through all of these years.  
But you still have,  
All of me.**  
  
She could always remember those times that she and Tara had practically held each other up emotionally. After Joyce died, it was Tara that had gotten Willow through it. During the summer, it was Willow who made sure that Tara had someone to lean on when she woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare about Glory. After all that, Willow couldn't help but feel betrayed that Tara wouldn't wake up and comfort her one last time.  
  
No matter what, though, despite that betrayed feeling, Willow still couldn't move on. She still loved Tara more than anything. She couldn't let her go; no matter how hard she tried.  
  
**You used to captivate me,  
By your resonating light.  
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind.**  
  
Willow would never forget how Tara made her feel. She felt like she was living with an angel when she was with her. Now, she couldn't help but wonder if Tara was an angel, sitting up on top of a cloud somewhere above her, making sure she made it thought life. But, if that was the case, would she feel this let down? This alone? She didn't want to know.  
  
**Your face, it haunts, My once pleasant dreams,**  
  
She could still remember times, after Tara had moved out, that she would dream of Tara, and feel comforted. Now, she would only dream of one thing, and the only thing Tara's face would do in her dream would haunt her.  
  
**Your voice, it chased away,  
All the sanity in me.**  
  
Now, after this thing that came to see Willow, she didn't know what to do. She felt like she was now sitting in the basement, with Spike beside her, sharing in his mental troubles.  
  
**These wounds won't seem to heal.  
This pain is just too real.**  
  
The pain just wouldn't leave. Every good moment since it happened was scarred by ten or twelve bad moments, where the pain was unbearable.  
  
**There's just too much that time cannot erase.**  
  
_Time,_ Willow thought, suddenly. _Time is what I need to fix. I need to erase it…_  
  
**When you cried,  
I'd wipe away all your tears.  
When you'd scream,  
I'd fight away all your fears.  
I held your hand through all of these years.  
But you still have,  
All of me.**  
  
_I need to erase all those tears. I-I need to fix this. I can't live like this,_ Willow thought. _I need her._  
  
**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.  
But though you're still with me,  
I've been alone all along.**  
  
She'd tried to move one, tried to tell herself that she was alone, would be forever, but she couldn't accept that anymore. Wouldn't accept that anymore. Even if Tara was sitting on top of a cloud somewhere, she still wasn't with her. And, no matter how hard she tried to reason with herself, it wouldn't be enough. She had been, and always will be, alone.  
  
Suddenly, a radio sitting on the ledge of the desk near the front of the library flipped on, and a song began to play:  
  
**When you cried,  
I'd wipe away all your tears.  
When you'd scream,  
I'd fight away all your fears.  
I held your hand through all of these years.  
But you still have,  
All of me.  
All of me.  
All of me.  
All of me.**  
  
  


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The End

  
  


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_A/N: Don't think that gives away too much. I should have chapter 1 of the real story out within the day. If you like this, please check it out!  
  
That's all, folks. Happy reading!  
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